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Essay

For adult eyes only

By Kit Pancoast Nagamura


大人だけの内緒話

古代の文明には大人になるための勇気や技量を試す儀式があった。 今では晴れ着を着て参加する成人式があるものの、喫煙や飲酒が許されることをもって人は大人になるわけではないはずだ。 大人になるとはどういうことか——。 このところ、筆者の頭から離れないテーマがこれである。

As my son grows up, I've been ruminating on what becoming an adult really means these days. At times, my son strikes me as more of an adult than I am. Though I've legally been an adult for decades, it seems to me that only recently have I begun to give the term serious thought.

Ancient civilizations used to set up tasks to challenge bravery or skills before bestowing the status of adulthood. Separation from family support, introduction to cultural or religious duties, and a change in dress or appearance were all part of a clearly delineated transition. Coming of age ceremonies usually coincided with the physical maturity to reproduce, as early as 11 or 12. Ironically, in our day and age, if 12-year-olds so much as whisper about sex, they are treated as juvenile delinquents. Today, we mark coming of age much later, and quite differently, and the word "adult" has taken on a comparatively vague, subjective definition.

Brand-new adults in Japan, having reached age 20, celebrate with a day of shrine visits or social outings in lavish kimono and fur stoles, and for the braver dudes, hakama. They are encouraged to exercise their new adult minds by gathering in government buildings to absorb speeches on what is entailed in becoming an adult, and they obtain the right to smoke, drink, and vote — presumably not all in that order — on the same day.

In the absence of even this minor celebration, adulthood in the West is also loosely associated with the right to vote, getting a driver's license, moving out of the parental home, or getting a job. It is tacitly understood that an adult will act in a manner that demonstrates foresight, consideration and social responsibility, though I know some 10-year-olds who behave this way, and some 50-plus folk who are still learning the ropes.

Becoming an adult in the deeper sense seems to me to be a long process, one that cannot be achieved by wearing ceremonial costumes, by smoking and driving, or by counting chronological years. In my subjective evaluation, adulthood also involves cultivating the ability to act unselfishly, control impulses, manage fears, love without expectations and throw off envy and jealousy. There are some days when I feel like an accomplished adult, and others when I need a pacifier.

Author Ursula K. LeGuin writes, "The creative adult is the child that has survived." Well, much like a child, I'm entranced by the potential and newness of every day, am absorbed by the sight of a balloon, the scent of mint or a sudden gust of wind. I get lost. I talk to strangers. And I think I use this childish energy creatively. But I also freak out at deadlines, scream at the sight of cockroaches, sulk when things don't go my way and grow tense at the thought of pain. Perhaps accepting one's own limitations and failures, and seeing the positive aspects within them is another part of becoming an adult. I think I'd rather buy a fancy kimono and go have a drink, but that's the child in me talking.



Shukan ST: January 15, 2010

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