English for Wizards

Welcome Wizards

By John Moore

こんなインターネットカフェを発見できるはず

Welcome, Wizards! Some of you may wonder whether you're really a wizard, but don't worry. You can be a beginner wizard, or maybe an intermediate wizard. You may be a wizard without knowing it.

What's a wizard, you wonder. Well, as everyone knows, there is an invisible magical world all around us that is different from the real world. This secret, invisible world is the Internet, and you can visit this place if only you have a special crystal ball called a computer. Think of your liquid crystal display as a modern crystal ball, OK?

Everyone also knows of another kind of magical world, a strange parallel universe called "abroad." In some places abroad, everyone speaks English and they learn English with no effort at all! Doesn't that sound magical?

You can visit these places and be a computer-English wizard just by studying English and using a computer. I can help you, too, because I come from abroad, and I play with computers all the time. I have about eight different computers right now.

I also have a son named Peter who will help us. He is half-Japanese and half-American, so the things he says are sometimes funny and sometimes kind of amazing. "Hey, Daddy," he says, "Why do rhinoceroses have to be extra careful on Japanese escalators?" Do you know the answer? I'll tell you at the end of this column.

So all you need to enjoy "English for Wizards" is the desire to study English, and a computer. If you don't have a computer at home or at work, you can still use one in various public places, often for free. Try your local public library. Or maybe you can find a comfortable Internet cafe in your neighborhood.

There is an excellent and very simple Web site to help people find Internet cafes. Just go to http://www.itagaki.net/pc/ic/. Click on your prefecture in the chart to find an Internet cafe close to you.

But if you don't have a computer, how can you check this Web site to find a good computer place? This is called a Catch-22, an impossible situation. So if you really can't find a computer to use, send me a letter care of Shukan ST. I'll look for Internet cafes near your house and send you some suggestions.

OK, here's the answer to the rhinoceros riddle: I don't know why, but the recorded announcement on escalaters always says, "Esukareita o goriyo no SAI wa, beruto ni otsukamari kudasai."

So if you're a rhino, hold on tight! Next week we'll start our magical computer-English adventure.

Shukan ST: March 7, 2003

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