Opinion

Early Ties

By DAVID ZOPPETTI

Recently, my almost 3-year-old daughter participated in her second nursery school undokai. It was her first try at the kakekko race . where she came in last. But I was as proud of her as if she had won an Olympic marathon. And I let her know it too.

There were many other fathers with the same beaming faces. Taking the day off from work to be part of this yearly event is something more and more Japanese fathers do.

But they rarely do more.

Japan is one of the first industrialized nations to have a legalized child rearing leave system for both mothers and fathers. Fathers can take up to one year off from work to look after their kids. The idea behind this law (passed in 1992) is that men should share the burdens of child upbringing to give mothers an opportunity to return to professional life.

Unfortunately, only an infinitesimal number of fathers chose to do this. The system, I admit, has its flaws. It is virtually unknown to the general public, financial compensation is practically nil and leave is only possible until the child is 1 year old.

But the biggest reason behind this lack of enthusiasm is theprevailing attitude that men should be hard-working income earners and women, dutiful housekeepers.

When my daughter Naomi was 1 year old, I became the first male employee at the TV network I worked for to take paternity leave. At the outset, this stirred quite some turmoil around me. Then with time, there was an occasional pat on the shoulder from a colleague. Eventually, my leave became a generally accepted idea. However, no one has followed in my footsteps since and I doubt I shall be remembered as the pioneer of a major trend in Japanese society.

But I don't mind. I am now taking second helpings with my son, Mario. My wife is back at work, and I'm the guy in charge, as I presently work freelance. But the reasons behind my involvement remain the same.

The love and presence of BOTH parents is obviously a prerequisite condition for the balance and well-being of a child. But I think there is another important parameter as well: that special combination of the love of the parent of the opposite sex with the friendship, experience and guidance of the parent of the same sex. This is valid for both boys and girls!

The presence of both parents from an early stage helps create the first bond of trust we so much need in life. It should also enable children to grow up without stereotyped ideas about the roles of men and women in society. Finally, women might be more inclined to have children if there were a helping hand around.

But the bottom line is: It's FUN and ENRICHING to be with your kids! You fathers out there should do it more often!

Shukan ST: Oct. 30, 1998

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