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Opinion

Lovely spam

On my computer, spam is steadily increasing. If you don't know much about computers, I'll tell you what spam is: it is unsolicited junk e-mail. Nobody seems to know why it's called that. I get as many as 50 spams a day.

Aside from the fact that it costs money to receive, spam is annoying because (like most advertising) its vulgarity is depressing. From the States, I get ads for viagra written in crude language. From the States and Japan I get ads offering sex. From China (I think) I get ads for imitation brand-name watches. There are ads offering to refinance my mortgage (I have no mortgage). There are notices from banks (where I have no account) that my account will expire if I don't send them all my personal information. There are notices that messages (that I never sent) have been returned. There are announcements (one a day, on average) that I have won a million U.S. dollars or euros in a lottery I never entered. There are cryptic little messages ("personal"; "your data"; "your file", etc.) trying to entice me to open up an attachment that would surely introduce a virus into my computer.

There is one kind, however, that show literary creativity, and are sometimes fun to read. I mean those wonderful confidence game letters tempting you to join in a conspiracy to smuggle money or gold out of some third-world country. They used always to come from Nigeria (allegedly) but now they claim to originate in various countries all over the world.

Usually they are skillfully written in excessively polite language, with enough mistakes and oddities in the English to persuade you that the writer is not a native speaker, which contributes to the letter's atmosphere of authenticity. They tell that the writer has somehow gotten control of a fabulous sum of money, and needs help to smuggle it out of the country. Sometimes the writer's father, a government man, stole it from some big construction project and then died; sometimes the writer works at a bank and knows about a huge deposit whose owner was killed in a plane crash, etc. The writer tells you that if you help him or her to get the money transferred to a foreign bank, you will get 20 percent.

These e-mails too would be more convincing if they didn't come in at the rate of about one a day.

Once when I was reading one of these after drinking a couple of beers, I wrote an answer. It said something like this: "Your letter follows the classic pattern of the confidence racket. First you get the sucker to agree to participate in something illegal, so he won't dare call in the police. Then you sting. But tell me, what is the sting here? How do you get the sucker to send you money first?"

An answer came back: "If you know that much, let's work together. We could make a pile."

Don't worry. I didn't fall for that one either.

(503 words)

Discussion: What type of spam have you received?

Shukan ST: Nov. 11, 2005

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Opinion Lovely spam By Douglas Lummis On my computer, spam is steadily increasing. If you don't know much about computers, I'll tell you what spam is: it is unsolicited junk e-mail. Nobody seems to know why it's called that. I get as many as 50 spams a day. Aside from the fact that it costs money to receive, spam is annoying because (like most advertising) its vulgarity is depressing. From the States, I get ads for viagra written in crude language. From the States and Japan I get ads offering sex. From China (I think) I get ads for imitation brand-name watches. There are ads offering to refinance my mortgage (I have no mortgage). There are notices from banks (where I have no account) that my account will expire if I don't send them all my personal information. There are notices that messages (that I never sent) have been returned. There are announcements (one a day, on average) that I have won a million U.S. dollars or euros in a lottery I never entered. There are cryptic little messages ("personal"; "your data"; "your file", etc.) trying to entice me to open up an attachment that would surely introduce a virus into my computer. There is one kind, however, that show literary creativity, and are sometimes fun to read. I mean those wonderful confidence game letters tempting you to join in a conspiracy to smuggle money or gold out of some third-world country. They used always to come from Nigeria (allegedly) but now they claim to originate in various countries all over the world. Usually they are skillfully written in excessively polite language, with enough mistakes and oddities in the English to persuade you that the writer is not a native speaker, which contributes to the letter's atmosphere of authenticity. They tell that the writer has somehow gotten control of a fabulous sum of money, and needs help to smuggle it out of the country. Sometimes the writer's father, a government man, stole it from some big construction project and then died; sometimes the writer works at a bank and knows about a huge deposit whose owner was killed in a plane crash, etc. The writer tells you that if you help him or her to get the money transferred to a foreign bank, you will get 20 percent. These e-mails too would be more convincing if they didn't come in at the rate of about one a day. Once when I was reading one of these after drinking a couple of beers, I wrote an answer. It said something like this: "Your letter follows the classic pattern of the confidence racket. First you get the sucker to agree to participate in something illegal, so he won't dare call in the police. Then you sting. But tell me, what is the sting here? How do you get the sucker to send you money first?" An answer came back: "If you know that much, let's work together. We could make a pile." Don't worry. I didn't fall for that one either. (503 words) Discussion: What type of spam have you received? Shukan ST: Nov. 11, 2005 (C) All rights reserved