Letter from Boston Different Weddings By MASAKO YAMADA	フレームで見る  英文をプリントする  脚注をプリントする
結婚式は千差万別 雅子さんの周囲では、最近、結婚の話題が増えています。高校の同級生が作るメーリングリストには、ときどき結婚式の通知が載っていますし、先日も古い友人から結婚式の招待状が届きました。友達が結婚すると聞くたびにわくわくする雅子さん。結婚祝いを考えるのも楽しみの一つです。

I'm part of an e-mail mailing list that my former high school classmates have created. I enjoy reading about their lives, even though I have lived on another continent from them for the past seven years.

There is news about job changes, get togethers, things for sale or for free, special events that their companies are hosting, and the occasional, strangely serious, mail about a wedding to take place. Yes, I'm "of age".

Actually, I would say that the vast majority of my friends are still single. Most of my classmates from high school are unmarried, and most of my classmates in graduate school are also unmarried. Strangely enough, quite a few of my friends from the "feminist" women's college that I attended are married or engaged but almost all of my friends who had a so-called traditional Japanese upbringing are not.

I don't know how to explain this, but what I do know is that I'm surrounded by people who are happily unmarried even in their 30s. I feel no pressure to jump onto the marriage bandwagon.

That said, I always feel a flutter of excitement whenever I hear that a friend is getting married.

Yesterday, I received a wedding invitation from a friend I've known for six years and I am eagerly anticipating going to the ceremony. It's not as if it were a total surprise my friend has been dating his future wife for about four years, including living with her for the past two years but there's still something wonderful about finally deciding to make it official.

In his case, he's even decided to convert to Judaism because his fiance is Jewish and they are having a proper religious wedding (and family life thereafter). What a big decision Indeed, I've seen him mature over the years and I believe he's truly ready to get married. I suppose weddings are not only a celebration of a union, but also a celebration of a person's growing up enough to make that kind of commitment.

Getting that invitation reminded me that I had to send a wedding gift to another friend who had just gotten married. I was unable to attend the ceremony, but I have seen pictures from the wedding and she looks beautiful. I don't mean that she's wearing a pretty dress, or that her flowers look nice. She simply looks very happy, and it's great to see lots of other happy-looking people in the pictures as well.

She, too, got married after about four years of dating and two years of cohabitation. They already have all the furniture and appliances they need, so I decided that I should sew her a gift myself.

My friend is a stylish person who likes expensive clothes, so I was a bit afraid that my homemade goods would be too unsophisticated, but I figured I might as well make something since I couldn't afford any store-bought item that would satisfy her discriminating tastes,anyway. I made her a matching handbag, purse and hat that should fit her rather extravagant wardrobe.

Then there is one labmate who recently got married after 10 years of being with the same woman. They got married in Boston City Hall with only one witness-photographer, another member of our lab. They did not tell anybody else about their wedding, including their parents, until it was over.

I asked him whether they had suddenly decided to get married. He said, "Of course not. We just didn't tell anybody else about it." He told me that had they had an actual ceremony and reception, they would have been obliged to invite many distant relatives and acquaintances.

He said he and his wife were extremely happy with their private ceremony in City Hall. Apparently, it was not just a matter of signing papers, either: A city official had some kind words for them and they were touched. I asked him how his parents reacted when he told them that they'd gotten married. He replied that, far from being mad, they were happy and relieved that they'd finally tied the knot.

I was never the type to have wild romantic dreams of being a bride and I don't understand why some people jump into marriage when they shouldn't, but I've been happy to see these people take the plunge. I suppose it's because I could clearly see that these couples were ready, all ready in their own way.

Shukan ST: Aug. 11, 2000

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