Essay

Mother knows best

By Anita Lee

Against tremendous personal odds, my mother graduated with multiple degrees from leading universities in England. Orphaned as a baby and subsequently raised by her grandmother in China during an era when girls were rarely given any opportunity for education, my mother dressed herself as a boy and accompanied her brother to school and sat under his desk so she could learn. It was not until she moved to Hong Kong where, aged 12, she began to receive formal education.

If one's mother has managed to overcome a difficult past to raise four "over-achieving" children, manage a family business, enjoy a professional career as a nurse (twice: she returned to her work aged 54) and now has a second career as a seniors' fitness volunteer (and is still happily married!), you can't help but feel slightly in awe. Oh, and through all of this, she is still the nicest person. She is quite simply one of the few women I know who achieved an enviable work/life balance. More importantly she has given me invaluable advice on how to find my own acceptable balance.

We both thrived in careers before having children so knew that we wanted to combine work with family. Of course, sacrifices had to be made: I knew that in the long run my pre-family professional role in regional finance for a major multi-national was not something I could commit to whilst raising a family.

As "mompreneurs" (a mother who starts a business), the most important ingredient was personal control over our time. The trade off: longer working hours and greater personal financial risk — but at the end came the much-needed flexibility. I spent years working for demanding bosses who made last-minute decisions that would inevitably have an impact on my personal life. Owning my own business gives me sufficient flexibility to make things work for us all.

We both used child care as support for our families. My son was fortunate enough to attend the equivalent of a government creche for working parents. The "hoikuen" offered flexible schedules and quality care at an affordable cost. With excellent child-to-staff ratios and outdoor facilities in a convenient location, I never once worried if my son was well looked after. This peace of mind allowed me to focus on "working smart" and I looked forward to spending quality time with my son at the end of each day.

The most important lesson that my mother has taught me is to think carefully about what is critical. I accept that I cannot be perfect in every aspect of my life but I know what is most important and I endeavor to try my best no matter what I choose to do. My attitudes to work and family have been shaped by my mother's experiences and ideas — hopefully so will future generations to come.

Shukan ST: Oct. 31, 2008

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