Essay

Drunks, keys and lampposts

By Kip Cates

Have you heard the story about the drunk who lost his keys? It's a famous joke that teaches an important lesson about language learning and about life. Here's how it goes.

One night, a man goes out drinking at a local bar. He's in a good mood, drinks a lot and gets quite drunk. After saying goodbye to his friends, he begins walking home, singing happily to himself. As he nears his apartment, he takes his keys out of his pocket but drops them on the ground in the dark. On realizing his keys are missing, he wanders over to a nearby street lamp and begins looking for them there.

Ten minutes later, a policeman comes by, sees the man and asks what he's doing. "I'm looking for my keys," says the drunk. "Where did you drop them?" asks the policeman. "Over there on the dark side of the street," says the drunk. The policeman looks puzzled. "If you dropped your keys over there in the dark, then why are you looking for them here under this street lamp?" "Because," says the drunk, "there's more light here."

It's easy to laugh at a guy who's looking for his keys in the wrong place. Yet, some language learners are like the drunk in this story. Why? Because they're looking in the wrong place for what they want.

Some students say their aim is to master English conversation, but spend their time studying grammar. Others say they want to understand CNN but spend their time reading English novels. All study is helpful, of course. But conversation isn't grammar, and news isn't literature. These people are looking in the wrong place.

To be an effective language learner, you have to know what you want and focus on that. If you want to be able to read English newspapers, you have to focus on "news English." This means studying English headlines, journalistic writing style and the vocabulary of common news topics (politics, economics, crime, disasters, weather). You can't just pick up a grammar book, study that, and then hope it will help you understand The New York Times.

The same goes for life. If you want to be a good pastry chef, you have to concentrate on pastry. You can't study salads and hope that will help you bake cakes. If you want to be a good tennis player, you have to practice forehands, backhands, volleys and serves. You can't practice bowling and hope this will help win your next tennis match.

So, what's the moral of this story? First, think carefully about your language learning aims and focus on those. Second, if you drop your keys in the dark, don't go looking for them under a nearby street lamp!

Shukan ST: July 22, 2011

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