Essay

Bully ideas?

By Kit Pancoast Nagamura

Browsing the online news recently, I read about the tragic suicide of a 13-year-old boy in Sapporo. He reportedly spoke to local police, his teachers and his parents about being bullied, and even confessed that he wished to die if it continued. Then he jumped to his death. How can this have happened?

Online responses were, predictably, full of outrage. Some wrote that the officials involved should resign their jobs, others lamented the brutality of teenagers, and still others suggested that Japan's societal structure is built on bullying. The irony was, of course, that many of the comments were abusive in tone, or lacked constructive commentary. Anger and frustration are emotions easily expressed; proposing intelligent measures to counteract bullying is complicated.

Regardless of where we were born, most of us have experienced direct bullying of some kind - verbal, physical or social exclusion - in school, the workplace, or social circles. It's international and widespread. Unfortunately, most bullied children prefer not to talk about it, especially since the advice they usually hear is to develop a thicker skin or fight back. Fighting fire with fire, or feigning indifference, doesn't always work. So what does?

In the U.S. this year, a group of bullies tied up a classmate, humiliated him, and posted photos of their actions on a website. These images eventually made it to the authorities. The school and parents of the victim took the case to court, which fined the perpetrators and their parents tens of thousands of dollars. The message to the community was clear: Bullies will be prosecuted.

A TV show in the States, Bully Beatdown, claims to publically humiliate adult bullies by putting them in a ring with professional fighters. Though apparently scripted "entertainment," the show presupposes that a lot of people want to see revenge on bullies.

However, much like a medical system that responds to illness after diagnosis, these post-trauma responses seem less than ideal. How about measures which develop a culture of zero bullying tolerance?

One online commentator mentioned that her school in Japan has a buddy system where older kids are paired with and assigned responsibility for younger kids. When conflicts arise, older kids troubleshoot, then if necessary, get administrators involved. The entire school subsequently tackles the issue together, openly.

Bullies don't just come from nowhere. They themselves often suffer from neglect, exposure to violence, insecurity, frustration and even boredom. Schools that instruct what bullying is, actively work to discourage it, and mandate counseling for both perpetrators and victims, are proactive institutions. Maintaining a protective rather than purely punitive community helps everyone.

I shared this topic with my son, and was shocked to learn that he and some friends of his had recently confronted a bully at school on their own, warning him that if he didn't desist, they would report him. This was news to me. I was reminded that, unless parents or guardians actually bring up this topic, they are unlikely to hear about it. We need to periodically inquire, then listen carefully, and follow up immediately with measures that demonstrate we recognize that bullying can be a matter of life or death.

Shukan ST: September 23 2011

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