Opinion

A friend in need is a friend indeed

By Caroline Pover

I recently heard about a successful relationship that started at one of our singles' nights for foreign women and Japanese men. This may be our first "love story" and we hope there will be many more in the future!

A foreign woman and a Japanese man attended one of our singles' nights and exchanged contact information during the party. They spent some time together over the following weeks, but the foreign woman didn't sense any romantic "vibes" coming from the man, so she wasn't quite sure how interested he really was.

As I have discussed in previous columns in Shukan ST, Japanese men can often be rather reserved in showing any romantic feelings toward a foreign woman they are interested in.This can be for a number of reasons. So for a foreign woman it can be quite confusing to work out whether a Japanese man is interested in her or not.

Unfortunately the foreign woman became quite sick soon after they became friends, but the Japanese man took great care of her. The foreign woman was very touched by his attention and concern.

Eventually it became clear that the Japanese man did indeed find her very attractive, and was interested in having a serious relationship with her. So they started dating and have spent the last few months in a very happy relationship!

This story is interesting because neither of the people were very "forward" in expressing their feelings, but instead took time to get to know each other. I wonder if the Japanese man wanted to be more forward about his feelings but didn't know how until an opportunity arose for him to show that he cared about her very much.

When that opportunity came, i.e., when the woman became sick, he showed her how caring and thoughtful he could be - a very important thing to know in a relationship. He showed her that she could rely on him to support and care for her, especially when she was having a hard time, and isn't that when we need people the most?

So my advice to Japanese men who are still feeling too shy to show their true feelings about a woman they are interested in is to look for opportunities to show her your kind, gentle and thoughtful side. Of course, you don't need to wait until someone is very sick to do that! You can show them in little ways - by listening to their worries and responding by trying to help.

Women of today, and especially foreign women, who can often appear as though they have everything in their lives under control, really appreciate those kind, thoughtful gestures.

Shukan ST: Nov. 12, 2004

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