Letter from Boston

Summer Plans

By MASAKO YAMADA

lmost a month after I'd interviewed for a summer position at "The Economist," I still hadn't received a reply. During the interview, the interviewer told me not to get too antsy about late notification, but I couldn't wait around any longer, so I decided to give the London office a call. The man who answered the phone was the man who had interviewed me, and I asked him whether he'd reached a decision yet. He told me that he had but hadn't gotten around to notifying everybody. Then he told me that he was sorry it wasn't me.

Considering how much I'd wanted this job, I was surprised at how calmly I took this news. I thanked him for his time and told him that I hoped to speak to him again in the future. I put down the phone without showing emotion, and without demanding an explanation. Even after I was by myself, though, I didn't feel the sadness, regret or bitterness that I thought I'd feel. I don't know if this is good or bad ― is it a sign of mature acceptance, or is it sign of apathy? ― but it certainly surprised me.

I had put all of my hopes into getting this job, so suddenly being confronted with three and a half months of "free time" was daunting. It seemed like a big, white space. Maybe I was simply in a state of shock. However, after I began thinking of all of the things I wanted to ― and could ― do during this period, I realized that I was lucky. My summers hadn't been truly free even when I was an undergraduate. I was constantly trying to figure out ways to get ahead back then, and occupying my summers with work was one of the ways that I felt I could do this. Now that I know my position and funding within the physics department are guaranteed for the next four years (that is, as long as I pass my general physics exam before next January and as long as I don't decide to leave), I don't need to worry so much about such large issues as finding a job or getting into graduate school.

This may sound hokey, but because I know that my work schedule is going to be fairly constant while I'm in graduate school, I'm more concerned than ever to find day-to-day contentment through extracurricular activities. This will be especially important during the summer. For instance, taking Chinese is something that is completely "unnecessary," but it's something that I've wanted to do since I was 19. Now that I have the opportunity to take classes, I'm taking advantage of it. I plan on resuming piano lessons so that I may pursue group performance again in the fall. I want to write some highly polished short stories and try to sell them in the mass market. I also want to take care of my family and friends, since it's hard to treat them with priority when school is in session.

Of course, I'm still a graduate student in the physics department, and I can't let my brain let go of physics during this long vacation. It might be relaxing, but it's sure to cause adverse effects in the fall. First of all, I'm taking the general exams again in September, and I've been told that I ought to study for them full-time for at least six weeks during the summer. I know that since I was educated at a liberal arts college, my background in hard-core science is relatively weak. Given that the exam is an important hurdle, which I have to clear before even considering a Ph.D., I know that I cannot treat it lightly.

I also plan on beginning research at one of the groups at BU. I don't want to commit myself to full-time research right now ― especially since I know that as I get older, I'm going to have fewer opportunities to spend time on myself ― but I know that I can begin to read academic papers and get a grasp of the contemporary trends and issues within my field of computer simulations. Since I am fortunate enough to have government funding, I don't have to earn my keep by TA-ing or by being a full-time assistant to a professor. I've been told that I shouldn't overexert myself out of any strange sense of guilt. After all, if I get burned out and I drop out, the investment in my education will be completely lost. I've been told that I should count my blessings and appreciate what I have to the fullest extent. I'd surely like to do so.

Shukan ST: May 23, 1997

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