Letter from Boston

Small Celebration

By MASAKO YAMADA

On Jan. 7 and 9, I took the comprehensive examinations for my physics program at BU. This exam is conducted as a part of the doctorate requirements, and this was the last chance I had to take the exam. Students are required to pass the exam by the middle of their second year in graduate school. If they pass, they can continue on in the doctorate program. If they fail, they are asked to leave.

Classes for the new semester started three days after the comps ended. Since I didn't take a formal vacation during winter break, I had almost no time to unwind before my normal class schedule resumed. I attended ― and enjoyed ― my new classes, but the results of the exam didn't come in until the 14th, so I couldn't really relax during that period.

I have to admit that I was very nervous before the results came in. I have always had many interests ― physics, literature, food and music ― and I've never doubted my ability to support myself financially and to find some kind of satisfaction in my life. However, in reality, it was hard for me to imagine my leaving the world of physics. I think this is partly because the subject truly fascinates me and partly because I have pursued it for so long. Thinking about other options was a bit frightening, so I basically tried to avoid it.

Fortunately, it turns out that I don't have to think about my large-scale career plans for another few years. Yes, I passed the exam. I was ecstatic when I heard this and, after jotting a few quick E-mails, I dashed over to my roommate Alex's office and gave him a big hug. I then immediately went over to my adviser's office. We quickly discussed the details of my joining the group. I was a bit startled by his briskness. He gave me the keys to an office near the group's headquarters, set up a new computer account for me, assigned an informal mentor within the group, and gave me a project to work on. But in my enthusiasm, I accepted everything. I went home that night and my roommates and I had a little party at our kitchen table. I felt happy and relieved.

Of course the euphoria couldn't last forever. Indeed, on the following day, the picture already started becoming more complicated. The grading procedure for the comps is quite complex ― and somewhat arbitrary ― and I found out that some of my friends didn't make the cut. This was very sad for me. Then, one of my close professors called me into his office: He told me that I shouldn't rest on my laurels, but that I should continue to build a solid foundation of theoretical physics. He said this in a very kindly manner, but that didn't prevent him from revealing that some of the professors had argued over whether they should let me pass. I immediately understood that not only did I have to hone my knowledge, I also needed to prove my worth to the department that had passed me.

Although I feel as though a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders, in many ways this semester looks like it's going to be a lot busier than semesters past. I'm taking four classes and piano lessons, as usual, but I'm also beginning full-fledged research. It's true that it's going to take a long time before I can contribute to the group's findings in any significant way, but there are many things I can, and ought to, do in order to get off to a good start. There is a lot for me to learn, and it seems there will never be enough time for me to learn it all.

I have a very narrow window of freedom right now. I know that I've passed my big exam; classes have started but no homework has been assigned yet. It's an official three-day weekend. One of my professors is going on a business trip and cancelling two of his lectures. My piano lessons haven't resumed. I've felt and thought many things during this period. A week ago, I had no idea of what I'd be doing six months from now, and now I know. I've been given a chance to pursue something that has been a longtime goal; I know it would be a sin for me to not pursue it wholeheartedly.

But for now, I'm enjoying my little break.

Shukan ST: Jan. 30, 1998

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