Letter from Boston

American Dreams

By MASAKO YAMADA

A while back, I received a rather angry letter from a Canadian reader in Japan. She told me that thanks to people like me, many Japanese students harbor fairy-tale images of life in the States. She seemed particularly frustrated that I was extolling the virtues of the United States at the expense of promoting other countries like, say, Canada.

I was irritated by her suggestion that what I was writing was somehow false, and I replied that since one can only comment on what one can observe oneself, perhaps she could write about Canada herself.

That was a rude reply, but I do sympathize with part of what she said. I probably ought to emphasize that my life is not that of the typical Japanese expatriate.

I have been getting ever-increasing numbers of letters and e-mail messages from young students — mostly girls — who dream big dreams of coming to the States, and the questions they ask make me realize that I haven't covered many basic topics regarding what I've seen.

I've been trying not to repeat topics for my column over the past four years, but I get personal questions from new readers all the time, so I ought to remind my readers of my background. I speak fluent English, live with an international medley of roommates, have a wonderful Russian-Jewish-American boyfriend and study physics on a scholarship while moonlighting as a freelance translator.

This probably sounds like a dream life to many — I, myself, am very happy with what I have — but it comes as a result of all of my experiences in the States, and these experiences span almost 25 years. I grew up here.

I encourage young students who dream of living here to do so. What I write about every week is true for me, but I can't say that it's true for anyone else. I think most students who come here learn a lot, mostly things that can't be learned secondhand.

However, I think it's fair to say that most Japanese natives can't achieve the same level of integration as I have, especially if they live here for only a few years. Even if their overall experiences are good, the overwhelming majority of the Japanese I've seen in the States don't seem to live life here as if it were truly, comfortably their own. This may disappoint some readers, but it comes from years of observing hundreds of Japanese expatriates.

There are little disappointments that expatriates should be prepared to face. One of the first things that Japanese exchange students are bound to encounter is the language barrier. Strong accents or imperfect grammar are often accepted, but many Japanese have great difficulty opening their mouths and saying anything. This can lead to many other problems, including subtle, and not-so-subtle, hints of racism. Misunderstandings that come from cultural differences abound.

Another source of disappointment that I see comes from the expatriates themselves. They realize that they can't achieve as much as they had hoped. Far from taking America by storm, many of them are not even able to make a small circle of American friends.

I see groups of Japanese students, housewives and businessmen huddle together all the time. They may look like they're having a glittering social life, but I think many of those people want to get out of the grip of such groups. Many times, however, they fall back on each other because they are simply scared and lonely.

I say this objectively now, but even I had trouble when I first entered college from a Japanese high school in New York. I think my decision to go to an American college was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. But I made it after living here a lifetime.

Even then, it took me years to learn how to adjust my speech and actions so that I could express myself. And, even now, it's always a struggle to understand others and be understood. But I believe it is the same struggle that everybody, everywhere, feels.

Shukan ST: Nov. 13, 1998

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