Perspective

Does it take two to tango?

By Masako Yamada

The holiday season is fast approaching. This means that various dinners, parties and galas will take place over the course of this month. A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail invitation at work for our annual holiday party to be held at a local hotel. Without thinking much, I RSVP'ed for two people. It goes without saying that at such events, one is typically expected to bring a companion.

昨年雅子さんが参加した職場のパーティーで、スピーチする上司。パーティーというと華やかなイメージがあるが、個々の参加者の事情を考えると、素直に喜べない部分もある。

Only after I RSVP'ed did I ask my boyfriend whether he could come to Albany for the event. He told me he had his own party to attend in Boston, so he wouldn't be able to make it. This did not bother me much since I knew there were several other single men whom I could invite. I asked a younger guy on my project whether he could be my date. He immediately said yes and I was set.

I was chatting with some of my younger colleagues and they told me that they had already found dates, as well. It looks like we'll have a fun time together. It's not a big deal that such companions are not our spouses or significant others. The point is that we're interested in getting a lively group together to engage in mixed conversation. For one thing, bringing a companion forces attendees to talk about topics other than work. It's interesting to see another side of colleagues whom we know only from the office. It's also nice to have a companion to talk with if the group conversation hits a lull.

We are constantly reminded during this time of the year to spend time with our friends and family. But I know that such holiday parties are not just about merriment and good times. I know that, in the shadows, many of my single colleagues feel uncomfortable going to such parties by themselves. If they are the shy or serious type, or if they are older, they may feel uncomfortable "renting" a date for the night. Instead, they avoid going to such events altogether. Sad to say, such events are not designed to make singles feel as if they have full status as a party participant.

I'ｖe had the same boyfriend for over eight years, but I occasionally pretend that I'm a free teenager and have fun flirting with others. But observing my single friends, especially women in their mid-30s or older, I'ｖe noticed that being free is become less and less fun.

I'ｖe attended several holiday parties with female colleagues who are a few years older than myself. A couple years ago I attended one such party with a female friend when her manager's manager stood up to give a toast to his employees. He said something like "I'd like especially to thank our spouses and children for supporting us. Our jobs sometimes take us away from the family, but we appreciate the sacrifices you make for us." His words were heartfelt and touching to most people at the party. But knowing my friend's sensitivity to the fact that she was still single, I heard a different message. He had not acknowledged the people, like my friend, who work hard for the company and go home to an empty apartment. Not all singles are perfectly happy with this. Many would welcome the opportunity to be greeted by familiar faces at the end of the day.

Yesterday, I helped a colleague throw a housewarming party in his new home. In his 50s now, he's always been a bachelor, and he seems comfortable with that. Dozens of people came to the party and oohed-and-aahed over his home furnishings. He quipped, "It tells something about my life that I have a cardboard cat in front of a fireplace with an electric log and photos of somebody else's kids on the mantel!" I found this funny and apparently he did, too, as he repeated the joke several times.

I suppose that by now he's found a way to make people laugh at his jokes and not pity him. But I do not know how his thoughts have changed over the decades and I do not know his true thoughts now. I do not know whether he'll be coming to the holiday party this year. I'ｖe never seen him attend.

Shukan ST: Dec. 2, 2005

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