Essay

Vote for me! Vote for me!

By Steve Ford

Governing a country has always been a tricky business. In places where people get to choose their leaders, a vote for the wrong person can have disastrous consequences for one's own country, or in the case of the United States, the entire world. If you don't believe me, just try looking for a job almost anywhere in the world these days.

Perhaps the fatal flaw in the U.S. political system is that from the day a politician is elected, they start campaigning for the next election. This takes lots of money, and the cash has to come from somewhere. I may be stupid, but I can't see any difference between the practice of buying influence through lobbyists and campaign contributions, and outright bribery and corruption.

I'm not in a position to know if Japanese politicians do business this way, but Japan does have an unusual kink in its political system. It is the problem that aspiring Japanese politicians are almost certain to be crazy as a coot by the time they get into office.

As I type, a woman in the street is howling — make that shrieking — hysterically into a microphone. To my foreign ears she sounds dangerously insane and is disturbing the peace of my neighborhood. Has she lost her mind? If she is not mentally disabled, then why would she scream: "TARO SUZUKI, VOTE FOR TARO SUZUKI," (name changed to protect the guilty), over and over again for hours in a voice that is straight out of a horror movie?

Well, maybe the hysterical woman with the microphone has an excuse. She's just one of Suzuki's minions. But somewhere in front of a train station, or from a moving vehicle, Taro Suzuki himself is hollering the same thing, "I'M TARO SUZUKI, VOTE FOR ME, TARO SUZUKI." He does this all day long. It's abnormal, unnatural and downright weird.

What would you think of a "civilian" who was driving down the street screaming their name at high volume? That person would be labeled as a nut case. So right from the start, every Japanese politician is ready to do things that could be considered, if not outright insane, at least against the norms of society.

But wait, there's more; after becoming a Diet member there is not much hope that screaming mad Mr. Suzuki will remember the little guys who voted for him. You see, he'll receive about a yen 20 million salary, plus a cool yen 12 million in benefits for housing, transportation, etc., in addition to millions of yen in "study fees," and free first class train travel throughout the archipelago.

Wait a minute, maybe these politicians aren't crazy after all. That salary package looks awfully good to me. Time for a career change, I'm going out on the balcony now: "STEVE FORD, VOTE FOR STEVE FORD!!!"

Shukan ST: July 24, 2009

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