Essay

Knowing me, knowing you

By Samantha Loong

As a little kid, I was never particularly keen on meeting new people. But these days, I'm quite the opposite. I love talking to people at gatherings, finding out what they do, where they're from and what they're like.

I also have a rule: Everyone deserves a second chance. Sometimes when you first meet someone, they might be having a bad day and might come across a bit rude. It's amazing how quickly we judge each other, so I like to give first impressions a little "wiggle room."

I only wish I had done this at high school. A few weeks ago, I had lunch with an old school friend. It turns out that she's now good friends with all the "cool" kids from school. I think the world of my friends but even now, we would never consider ourselves as having been "cool." The cool kids at school swore in class. They smelled of cigarettes, listened to music with explicit lyrics, caused trouble and wore big, baggy jeans. They had style and they had swagger.

I figured that they wouldn't want to talk to an uncool person like myself, so I never talked to them. But it looks like I made this assumption too quickly. Having spent quality grown-up time with these former cool kids, my friend tells me that actually, at school they thought we were the cool ones. They even had a cool ranking. I wasn't in the top three, but I was apparently still on the list. Because they thought we were cool, they were equally intimidated to talk to us. I was — and still am — quite shocked by this revelation. We could all have been really good friends — created an entire school of cool even — yet, we never tried to find out more about each other first. We judged each other based on things we could see on the surface, and things we assumed we knew.

At university, I remember talking to a friend about how generous and helpful one of our classmates was: "I know!" she agreed emphatically and then added, "How can someone so pretty be so nice?" We had been conditioned — whether by the media or our own prejudices — to think that pretty girls also had to be mean. So much for that.

So now, when I meet people for the first time, I find it strange and frustrating when I get asked about things like my age or star sign. With some people, the moment you answer these questions, you can see their assumptions about you working their way across their face. Maybe I fit the stereotype of a Gemini, but I also might not — why the rush to find out?

Getting to know someone is like painting on a blank canvas. But instead of painting a picture using stencils you already have, I think we would all create masterpieces if we took the time to pick up that brush and mix our own colors.

Shukan ST: MAY 18, 2012

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