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離婚も悪いことばかりじゃない
離婚には多くの代償が伴う負のイメージが強いが、
自分をよりよい方向に成長させていくための
機会にとらえることも可能なのだ。
Divorce can be good
In the United States, it's considered a rule of thumb that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. For this reason, it's with a somewhat cynical eye that I view the stacks of bride's magazines at the store and the countless couples spending tens of thousands of dollars to plan a perfect wedding. Like anybody else, when I attend a wedding, I wish only happiness upon the couple. But the fact is that nobody can predict the future of a marriage at its start ... and half of them do end up failing.
In both the United States and in Japan, a couple's commitment to stay together unto death is taken less seriously now than in the past, and people now part for nebulous reasons such as "irreconcilable differences" or "falling out of love." Sometimes, when I hear this, I'm tempted to look back fondly at the good old days and lament the gradual dissolution of family values.
There is something admirable about the notion of sticking together at all costs, especially if there are children involved. I've seen many children of divorce shuttled between two fighting parents, and it takes a terrible toll on everyone involved, especially on the kids. At least among the divorced couples I know (and eight or nine of my colleagues have once been married), divorce was chosen as a last resort, and not the easy way out. For many, it's a decision borne of several years of painful introspection and discussion.
Everybody knows that divorce comes at a cost. The primary question is whether breaking up is better than staying together. I've seen many divorce cases in which neither party is at fault. For whatever reason, the couple drifts apart, and it can be very painful for a couple to admit that they no longer share the same values and goals. So, in this sense, staying together and not facing up to the problems in a relationship can be "easier" than facing the psychological and financial toll of going through a divorce. And this is a recipe for disaster.
A couple does not have to argue for there to be problems. My colleagues may look like they are putting in an efficient day at work or that they have a happy life at home, but I know that immediately below the surface, they carry burdens. For the most part, I've been notified, and stunned, to hear that a colleague was on the verge of signing divorce papers. I've seen many of these colleagues engaged in activities as a couple, and had not noticed what was yet to come.
One friend told me that when his marriage ended in divorce, he felt that he would die. But now that he's come out the other end, he seems almost proud of himself. He said he thought that, as a man in his 40s, he thought he couldn't change. Now he knows that he could change, and that, by going through this divorce, he could change for the better. Nobody wants to go through this painful process just to experience this feeling, but it made me feel a bit better to know that something positive came out of his painful experience.(544 words)
Discussion:
In what cases do you consider divorce justified?
Shukan ST: March 24, 2006
(C) All rights reserved
- Divorce
- 離婚
- rule of thumb
- 経験則(経験に基づいた目安)
- stacks of 〜
- 〜の山
- tens of thousands of dollars
- 数万ドル
- predict
- 予想する
- commitment to 〜
- 〜するという固い約束
- stay together unto death
- 死ぬまで一緒にいる
- is taken less seriously now than 〜
- 今では〜ほどは深刻に受け止められない
- nebulous
- はっきりしない
- irreconcilable
- 妥協できない
- falling out of love
- 愛情がなくなること
- (am)tempted to 〜
- 〜を懐かしく思う
- look back fondly at 〜
- 〜を懐かしく思う
- lament
- 嘆く
- gradual dissolution of family values
- 家庭の価値が次第に崩壊すること
- admirable
- 賞賛に値する
- sticking together
- 一緒にいること
- at all costs
- どんな犠牲を払っても
- (have)seen 〜 shuttled between 〜
- 〜が〜の間を行ったり来たりさせられるのを見てきた
- children of divorce
- 親が離婚した子供
- takes a terrible toll
- 深刻な影響を与える
- last resort
- 最後の手段
- easy way out
- 安易な解決法
- borne of 〜
- 〜の結果としての
- introspection
- 反省
- comes at a cost
- 代償を伴う
- primary
- 基本的な
- neither party is 〜
- 当事者のどちらも〜でない
- at fault
- 誤りがある
- drifts apart
- 気持ちが離れていく
- not facing up to 〜
- 〜に直面しないこと
- psychological
- 心理的な
- recipe for disaster
- 災いの元
- A couple does not have to argue for there to be problems
- 言い争っていない夫婦も問題を抱えていることがある
- colleagues
- 同僚
- are putting in an efficient day at work
- 仕事を効率的にこなしている
- immediately below 〜
- 〜のすぐ下で
- (have)been notified 〜
- 知らされる
- (have been)stunned
- がく然とする
- on the verge of 〜
- 〜の間際で
- engaged in 〜
- 〜に参加した
- (has)come out the other end
- 立ち直った