離婚も悪いことばかりじゃない | オピニオン | 英語のニュース

Opinion

Divorce can be good

In the United States, it's considered a rule of thumb that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. For this reason, it's with a somewhat cynical eye that I view the stacks of bride's magazines at the store and the countless couples spending tens of thousands of dollars to plan a perfect wedding. Like anybody else, when I attend a wedding, I wish only happiness upon the couple. But the fact is that nobody can predict the future of a marriage at its start ... and half of them do end up failing.

In both the United States and in Japan, a couple's commitment to stay together unto death is taken less seriously now than in the past, and people now part for nebulous reasons such as "irreconcilable differences" or "falling out of love." Sometimes, when I hear this, I'm tempted to look back fondly at the good old days and lament the gradual dissolution of family values.

There is something admirable about the notion of sticking together at all costs, especially if there are children involved. I've seen many children of divorce shuttled between two fighting parents, and it takes a terrible toll on everyone involved, especially on the kids. At least among the divorced couples I know (and eight or nine of my colleagues have once been married), divorce was chosen as a last resort, and not the easy way out. For many, it's a decision borne of several years of painful introspection and discussion.

Everybody knows that divorce comes at a cost. The primary question is whether breaking up is better than staying together. I've seen many divorce cases in which neither party is at fault. For whatever reason, the couple drifts apart, and it can be very painful for a couple to admit that they no longer share the same values and goals. So, in this sense, staying together and not facing up to the problems in a relationship can be "easier" than facing the psychological and financial toll of going through a divorce. And this is a recipe for disaster.

A couple does not have to argue for there to be problems. My colleagues may look like they are putting in an efficient day at work or that they have a happy life at home, but I know that immediately below the surface, they carry burdens. For the most part, I've been notified, and stunned, to hear that a colleague was on the verge of signing divorce papers. I've seen many of these colleagues engaged in activities as a couple, and had not noticed what was yet to come.

One friend told me that when his marriage ended in divorce, he felt that he would die. But now that he's come out the other end, he seems almost proud of himself. He said he thought that, as a man in his 40s, he thought he couldn't change. Now he knows that he could change, and that, by going through this divorce, he could change for the better. Nobody wants to go through this painful process just to experience this feeling, but it made me feel a bit better to know that something positive came out of his painful experience.(544 words)

Discussion: In what cases do you consider divorce justified?

Shukan ST: March 24, 2006

●英字新聞社ジャパンタイムズによる英語学習サイト。英語のニュース、英語教材、TOEIC、リスニング、英語の発音、ことわざ、などのコンテンツを無料で提供。
	脚注を印刷吹き出し表示フレーム表示
Opinion Divorce can be good By Masako Yamada In the United States, it's considered a rule of thumb that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. For this reason, it's with a somewhat cynical eye that I view the stacks of bride's magazines at the store and the countless couples spending tens of thousands of dollars to plan a perfect wedding. Like anybody else, when I attend a wedding, I wish only happiness upon the couple. But the fact is that nobody can predict the future of a marriage at its start ... and half of them do end up failing. In both the United States and in Japan, a couple's commitment to stay together unto death is taken less seriously now than in the past, and people now part for nebulous reasons such as "irreconcilable differences" or "falling out of love." Sometimes, when I hear this, I'm tempted to look back fondly at the good old days and lament the gradual dissolution of family values. There is something admirable about the notion of sticking together at all costs, especially if there are children involved. I've seen many children of divorce shuttled between two fighting parents, and it takes a terrible toll on everyone involved, especially on the kids. At least among the divorced couples I know (and eight or nine of my colleagues have once been married), divorce was chosen as a last resort, and not the easy way out. For many, it's a decision borne of several years of painful introspection and discussion. Everybody knows that divorce comes at a cost. The primary question is whether breaking up is better than staying together. I've seen many divorce cases in which neither party is at fault. For whatever reason, the couple drifts apart, and it can be very painful for a couple to admit that they no longer share the same values and goals. So, in this sense, staying together and not facing up to the problems in a relationship can be "easier" than facing the psychological and financial toll of going through a divorce. And this is a recipe for disaster. A couple does not have to argue for there to be problems. My colleagues may look like they are putting in an efficient day at work or that they have a happy life at home, but I know that immediately below the surface, they carry burdens. For the most part, I've been notified, and stunned, to hear that a colleague was on the verge of signing divorce papers. I've seen many of these colleagues engaged in activities as a couple, and had not noticed what was yet to come. One friend told me that when his marriage ended in divorce, he felt that he would die. But now that he's come out the other end, he seems almost proud of himself. He said he thought that, as a man in his 40s, he thought he couldn't change. Now he knows that he could change, and that, by going through this divorce, he could change for the better. Nobody wants to go through this painful process just to experience this feeling, but it made me feel a bit better to know that something positive came out of his painful experience.(544 words) Discussion: In what cases do you consider divorce justified? Shukan ST: March 24, 2006 (C) All rights reserved