Opinion Exploring international relationships By Caroline Pover	フレームで見る  英文をプリントする  脚注をプリントする
国籍を超えたお付き合いを探る 国籍の違う男女が付き合うときは、お互いについてよりよく知ることが大切だ。 何より重要なのは、 相手の考え方と自分の考え方は 必ずしも同じではないと理解すること、 そしてお互いにとってメリットのある 状況を見出すことである。

Continuing the theme of international relationships, I'd like you to think about the implications of having a serious long-term relationship with someone from another culture.

It is easy to see why people are attracted to the idea of having a relationship with someone from another culture: Perhaps you have lived overseas and enjoyed spending time with the people of that country, perhaps you enjoy expressing yourself in another language, and perhaps you are physically attracted to people who look different from the people you have grown up with.

But as with many relationships, even between people from the same culture, the novelty often wears off, and certain unexpected challenges arise! Personally, I think it is those challenges that make relationships exciting and help us to grow, but unless we know how to deal with them, those challenges can be stressful rather than exciting!

Many couples don't take the time to talk about long-term plans before getting serious! Talking about where you eventually want to live, professional dreams, having children and any family obligations is a very sensible thing to do before settling down with someone. Japanese and Western cultures often have quite different ideas about what is "traditional."

Many Japanese people feel quite comfortable living forever in Japan, but don't assume that your foreign partner wants to do the same, even if you met them here and they enjoy living in Japan.

Japanese women traditionally gave up their jobs when they got engaged, and decided to devote their time to their new role as a wife and perhaps a mother. Although this is becoming quite outdated in Japan, it is still important to discuss this with your partner; if you are a Japanese man dating a foreign woman it is highly unlikely that she will want to give up her professional life, and if you are a Japanese woman dating a foreign man then he will probably be surprised to hear you say that you want to give up working!

Having children is also a topic that should be discussed. People often assume that at some point they will have children, but they rarely discuss this. The number of people, especially women, who are choosing not to have children, is increasing. Many Japanese women have told me that they felt they had to have children because it was expected of them. Perhaps if they had discussed this with their partner, they may have found that neither of them actually wanted to have children.

Possibly the one area that causes the biggest challenge in relationships between Japanese men and foreign women is who will take care of the man's parents, given the tradition in Japan for the eldest son and his wife to take care of the parents. This can be quite a shock to Western women, as we generally do not expect to be taking care of our own parents, let alone somebody else's! It doesn't mean that she's not happy to do it; it just means that she didn't know she was expected to do it!

Having said all that, one of the joys of any relationship is learning about each other. What is important is not to assume that your partner is thinking the same way as you, and to always discuss your ideas, opinions and dreams, and to try to find a "win-win" situation for both of you.

Shukan ST: April 30, 2004

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