Opinion My darling is a foreigner By Tony Laszlo	フレームで見る  英文をプリントする  脚注をプリントする
国際結婚の秘けつ 国際結婚をしたカップルが家庭内での ｢異文化コミュニケーション」を上手にこなすカギは、 やはりお互いを尊重し合う気持ちにあるのだ。

An illustrated book entitled "My Darling is a Foreigner" has recently hit the bookstores. The author is manga artist Oguri Saori. The "darling" on the cover has deep-set eyes and a big, bushy beard, and otherwise bears a rather striking resemblance to ... yours truly.

It happens, you see, that Ms. Oguri is my significant other half. She decided to use her talents - and our relationship - to explore the theme of mixed couples.

The topic certainly is a timely one. As ethnic diversity within households is on the rise throughout the country, people in Japan are increasingly able to relate to the experiences of mixed couples.

For example, one in about 10 registered marriages in Tokyo is "international," as I noted in this column some months ago. At least two recent parliamentarians have had foreign spouses. And abroad, many Japanese have forged families together with a non-Japanese partner.

It seems that nearly everyone these days has at least a friend or relative whose "darling" is a foreigner.

One part of Saori's book delves into our culinary preferences. I find inari zushi, something of a favorite for Saori, to be a bit too sweet. I also prefer to have oodles of tomatoes when having Italian cuisine. And I have been known to gripe when I come upon yet another Japanese grocery store that has shelves full of vanilla and green-tea ice cream but no chocolate ice cream.

Of course, the point here is not so much our particular differences in taste, but that mixed couples are likely to have such differences perhaps to a larger degree than people who grew up in the same environment.

The two of us also contrast in the way we react to certain forms of entertainment. I tend to get wrapped up in a horror movie to the extent that I will - and do - jump out of my chair at the drop of a pin. If the director of a science-fiction film shows me a person flying to Jupiter and back in three minutes, I tend to believe it is happening - for the duration of the film, of course.

Saori, on the other hand, prefers not to engage in the "suspension of disbelief" quite as much as I do. Something similar happens when we are watching comedy, as well. I'm usually prepared to laugh from the start, and I tend to end up laughing more than she does. You could call me unsophisticated, I guess.

There are certain pitfalls to be avoided for both the person creating this sort of book and for those reading it.

First, neither author nor reader should judge these differing sets of traits and values as "correct" or "incorrect." Rather, the various predilections and quirks should be noted and the differences appreciated (if not celebrated).

Similarly, one must not conclude that the traits of either partner are representative of a given group of people or of a given country. They might be, but then again, they might not be.

At the end of the day, the trick is to maintain one's own individual set of values while respecting and adjusting to that of the other. At least, this is the formula that is working for me.

Shukan ST: Feb. 14, 2003

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