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父親であること
母親と違って、男親は実際に子供は産まない。
だからといって、父親は決して楽な役回りではない。
いろいろなことを心配し、それでも何の役にも立たない自分にやきもきしっぱなし。
おまけに誰もそんな苦労を認めてくれないのだ—。
実は、こんな話をするにはわけがある。
筆者のラズロさんが、苦難の末に、めでたく父親になったのだ。
Fatherhood
During one episode of the popular U.S. television show, "The Simpsons," a character says, "I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood." Over the top? Yes. Still, there is a kernel of truth.
Expecting fathers have it rough. Sure, the mother is the one having the baby. But that in no way diminishes the ordeal of fatherhood. While women give birth, men, for their part, get to worry themselves sick. Will we get the mother to the hospital in time? Will there be any complications? Will the baby find its way out into the world alright? Will it try to make a U-turn?
As if this constant anxiety is not enough, we fathers also have to live with the fact that there is precious little we can do to make ourselves useful when it comes time for the baby to be born ... besides not crumple to the floor where we might trip up the medical staff.
But the worst part about being an expecting father is the painful realization that no one appreciates our plight.
If the mother-to-be shows that she's anxious, people around her become fountains of understanding, helpfully crooning "now, now" and "there, there." But if the expecting father shows any signs of distress, he is met with a smirk or a roll of the eyes. And so it goes. Physically and emotionally isolated, the father frets on the sidelines in silence. At best a supporting actor. At worst an extra.
I was at a meeting when I got "the call." I had taken my wife to the hospital earlier in the day, thinking she would just be getting a check-up. "Mr. Laszlo, there's no immediate rush, but you should know that your wife has gone into labor." No rush? I ended the meeting in a minute or two and was at the hospital in another five. And just in time. Not an hour later, a baby boy was born.
With three or four midwives and a doctor in the room, predictably, there was not much for me to do. With mouth gaping and heart racing, I managed to take a few snapshots and somehow even got the video camera set up and running properly
I would have wiped the sweat from my wife's brow. But that was the exclusive duty of one of the midwives and she had no intention of letting an amateur like me get a towel in edgewise.
For the guys out there who have not yet been through the ordeal, I have just two bits of advice
First, when the big moment comes, try not to open your mouth much. In all probability you'll just say something incredibly stupid at a time when everyone will remember what was said, perhaps for generations to come.
And second, bring a straw. Make sure it's one of those bendy ones. With this you can give your wife easy access to something to drink from any angle, even while the contractions have possessed her body. Just try to arrive early enough so that those pesky midwives don't unwrap their own straw and take away one of the few things you can do to make yourself useful. Or call ahead and growl, "The straw ... I've got it covered." Sheesh, expecting fathers have it rough.
- Fatherhood
- 父親であること
- one episode
- 1話
- The Simpsons
- アメリカの超人気アニメ
- character
- 登場人物
- Over the top?
- 大げさすぎるって?
- a kernel of truth
- 一抹の真実
- Expecting fathers
- もうすぐ父親になる人
- have it rough
- ひどい目に遭う
- in no way
- 決して〜ではない
- ordeal
- 厳しい試練
- give birth
- 子供を産む
- get to worry themselves sick
- 具合が悪くなるほど心配する
- complications
- 合併症
- alright
- 無事に
- it
- =baby
- precious little
- ほとんどない
- make ourselves useful
- 役に立つ
- besides not crumple to the floor
- 床に倒れないことのほかに
- trip up 〜
- 〜をつまずかせる
- appreciates 〜
- 〜を正当に評価する
- plight
- 窮状
- fountains of understanding
- よき理解者
- crooning "now, now" and "there, there."
- 優しく「まあ、まあ」とか「いいから、いいから」とささやいて
- distress
- 苦悩
- smirk
- うすら笑い
- roll of the eyes
- 目玉をぐるっと回して「あきれた」という顔をすること
- And so it goes.
- などなど
- frets
- やきもきする
- on the sidelines
- 傍観者として
- At best 〜. At worst 〜
- よくて〜、悪けりゃ〜だ
- has gone into labor
- 陣痛が始まった
- midwives
- 助産師
- predictably
- 予想通りに
- With mouth gaping and heart racing
- 口をぽかんと開け、心臓はどきどきしながら
- brow
- 額
- exclusive duty of 〜
- 〜だけがする仕事
- in edgewise
- 割り込んで
- for generations to come
- 何世代にもわたって
- bendy
- よく曲がる
- contractions
- 陣痛
- pesky
- 厄介な
- unwrap 〜
- 〜の包みを開ける
- call ahead and growl
- 事前に電話して怒った声で言う
- I've got it covered.
- ちゃんと準備してある
- Sheesh
- ちぇっ