ロング・グッドナイト

Vol. 20 : CHAPTER 20

Aspidistra: We met Charlie on a job in Shanghai. We'd been sent to take out a friend of Father's ― a complete lunatic. Had a vast collection of dentures made from his lovers' teeth, he'd slip them in whenever he was in the sentimental mood. Personally, I found him charming. Such a peach (laughs fondly), and could whip up a killer chiffon cake. Shame we had to kill him. So we got to working with Charlie after that. God knows what my father saw in him. He's not the sharpest knife in the kitchen drawer, and he was always mooning over me or my sister, which was a bore. Do you know what it's like trying to stay undercover when you're constantly being serenaded and sent bouquets of flowers? Lilies, too. And then he betrayed us. Sold us to some druglord for an Aston Martin and the coat that Warren Beatty wore in Bonnie & Clyde. I suppose we should have seen it coming, though he was such an idiot, we didn't think him capable. That's what the Blue Lotus was about. It was amazing we got out of that opium den alive. There were eight of them and just the two of us. (sadly) I snapped my favorite garter. But we've got our revenge on Charlie now. But I have to go. No rest for the wicked. You'll be comfortable here, won't you?

Paul: Like in the Ritz.

(Aspidistra falls to the floor. Mrs. Pomfrey has knocked her out.)

Paul: Well done, Mrs. P. She wasn't expecting that one.

Mrs. Pomfrey: We're leaving right now.

Raymond Brown is a freelance writer from the U.K., currently living in downtown Tokyo, where he pursues his passion for bonsai.

アスピディストラ：チャーリーと私たち姉妹は、上海の仕事で出会ったの。父の友人を消すために派遣されてね。その人、完ぺきに狂ってた。自分の愛人たちの歯で作った入れ歯を山ほど持ってて、センチな気分になったときにはめてるの。私の目には魅力的だったけどさ。かわいい人で(やさしく笑う)、めちゃ美味しいケーキを作るし、消すのは惜しかったな。そのあと、チャーリーと一緒に仕事をするようになったわけ。父はあいつのどこがよかったんだか…。アタマは鈍いし、私たち姉妹に熱を上げちゃって、それがまたウンザリで、こっちが正体を隠して仕事してるってときに、愛の歌を歌うは、花束を贈るは…。しかもユリなんか贈るなっつーの。ところがあいつ、あとで裏切って、私たちを麻薬組織のボスに売り飛ばした。お代は、高級スポーツカーと、『俺たちに明日はない』でウォーレン･ビーティが着たコート。私たちも気付けばよかったんだけど、間抜けなやつだから、そんなことができるなんて思ってもみなかった。そこで、ブルーロータスが絡んでくるの。あのアヘン窟から生きて出られたのは驚異的だったわ。なんせ、敵は8人でこっちは2人きり。（残念そうに）お気に入りのガーターがちぎれちゃった。でも、チャーリーへの仕返しはしたわ。あ、そろそろ行かなきゃ。貧乏暇なしってとこね。あなた、ここで快適でしょ？

ポール：リッツホテル並みさ。

（と、アスピディストラが倒れる。ポンフリー夫人が殴り倒したのだ）

ポール：やったぞ、ポンフリー夫人。不意をついたね。

ポンフリー夫人：さ、ここを出ましょう。