Letter from Boston Spring Thaw By MASAKO YAMADA	フレームで見る  英文をプリントする  脚注をプリントする
春暖 ボストンでは暖かい日が続いていたと思ったら、今度は、天気は良いのに凍りつくような寒さの日が続いています。でももうすぐ雅子さんの大好きな4月です。雅子さんの心の雪解けはどうでしょう。

Just a few weeks ago, I wrote about the strangely warm winter we've had so far. It seems I've jinxed the weather though, because even after spring has officially started, we've been having freezing temperatures March is supposed to go "in like a lion, out like a lamb," but even at the end of the month, the winds have been roaring like a pride of wild lions.

I went to the airport last week to pick up a friend who was visiting me and I saw a bunch of people come off a plane from Florida in shorts and T-shirts. The Bostonians in the waiting area were dressed in coats, scarves and gloves, and I could've sworn that I heard a titter go through the crowd when they saw those hapless travelers. One of the waiting women in the group gave a lesson to her toddler by pointing at them and saying, "Look at those silly people in shorts!! See?! Can you see another one?!" I thought this was very funny.

It's been sunny, but cold, these days. I hope that it will get warmer now that April, my favorite month of the year, is arriving. The famous American poet, T.S. Eliot, opens "The Wasteland" with the shocking line, "April is the cruelest month." This seems strange, since April is the month in which the birds start singing and the trees start putting out their buds.

Poets usually write about the beauty and hope that April brings. But Eliot goes on to show that all of the vulnerable feelings that are easily kept frozen and sheltered during the cold winter months finally thaw and force themselves out in the month of April.

I think I understand this. As we were waiting for the T to come to the airport station, I noticed a radiant young couple playing around on the platform. I ordinarily would've thought, "Ah, spring is finally here," but this time, it was different. I realized that I knew the guy. Not only was he a good friend of mine, he's also rejected me romantically. I suppose I should've protected his privacy ― his moment ― by quietly turning away, but something moved me. What had been carefully "forgotten" started to bubble forth when I actually saw the signs of spring.

I rushed toward them, "accidentally" ran into him, and said, "Hi!!" He replied, "Oh, Masako!" but there was a hint of exasperation in his face. I quickly realized that I'd made a mistake and I ran onto the incoming train without looking at him again. They sat far away from us and we pretended not to notice each other, even though we were going the same direction. I tried stealing a few glances, but I couldn't look at them square on. I was relieved and disappointed and jealous, when they got off. They looked so lovely, laughing together.

The feelings that I've always been so good at locking up began to thaw. I had to ask my poor friend over and over again, "You think I am a nice, smart, beautiful, charming person, right?" I heard the answer many times, but the kind and flattering words couldn't cover the shock I felt. My heart had been woken up from its long hibernation. It was acting mighty grumpy, since it had been woken up so abruptly. It was the first time in a long time that I'd felt that kind of hurt.

There is also a saying: "April showers bring May flowers." I want to believe that there is a silver lining to this cloud. Tomorrow, another friend is visiting me for spring break. My period of seeing friends on spring break has continued for a month, and I feel like I've grown so much. Eri is a schoolmate from my high school. She's younger than I am, we never really knew each other in high school, and I haven't seen her in four years; but when she called me on the phone recently, I felt like I could tell her anything. Now, I feel like telling her everything.

Eri and I went the "minority" track in high school, choosing to go to college in the States. American college is wonderful, but there is the undeniable sense that our high school friends have continued without us. Eri goes to Stanford. I feel that she'll bring with her the warm vibes of California; I look forward to seeing her. Maybe the ice will thaw completely now.

Shukan ST: April 4, 1997

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