ジャッキーの これ、どう思う？ While we're on the topic ...

This is the Christmas tree Jackie put up in her apartment. JACKIE HOFFART PHOTO

I think I've only spent about four or five Christmases away from home. It's very important to me to be home for the holidays. After living in Japan for several years, I realized that the way I celebrate Christmas is similar to the way people in Japan celebrate New Year's. It's a family holiday with religious origins, so there's a certain weight to it. But it's also mostly about food, drink and the exchanging of gifts, so there's a lot of physical pleasure; it's a holiday for the senses.

The truth is, most of the joy is in the anticipation. Each year, I think to myself: Soon, I will be able to see my beautiful nieces, who seem to grow and change so much each year. Soon, I will be able to bury my face in the towels washed by my mother, their fluffiness and scent somehow unchanging through the years even though the towels and detergent have.

I also can't wait to sink my teeth into my sister's chocolate caramel shortbread squares — she's become the real baker in the family. I look forward to falling asleep on the couch on Christmas Eve when my dad starts watching the original, black-and-white A Christmas Carol. I can't wait to find the mandarin orange in the toe of my Christmas stocking and peel its skin to reveal a fruit so tangy and juicy. And of course, I crave the turkey.

The problem with Christmas, though, is that the reality is often much less enjoyable. There's never enough time to spend with the people you really want to see, and often way too much time spent seeing people you'd rather not. As I become more of an adult, I notice that it's not just my nieces who are getting older each year, but also my parents. I worry for their health even though they are relatively young and healthy. I fret over my relationship with my sister, wishing we were closer or had more time at least to find ways to be closer to each other.

It won't take long for my dad to yell at me to shut the fridge door or my mom to start freaking out that she hasn't bought enough or prepared enough food. And sometimes I feel too tired to play with my nieces, and then I feel like a bad aunt. Or I just want to be alone and I miss my friends, so I go online and see what they are doing, which makes me half there and half somewhere else, and then I feel guilty.

In order to let the joyful anticipation win over the dread, I find it fun to "do Christmasy things." I can't listen to Christmas music 24/7, but I do like it and start listening as early as mid-November. I also enjoy watching Christmas movies; there are at least a dozen Christmas movies I enjoy watching every year. I try to see a new one each year before I go home, where the classics are on heavy rotation for all of December.

I put up my very own Christmas tree, which I acquired many years ago. Even though it's only about a foot tall (it's more of a Christmas twig, really), that suits me because I can pack it away easily. I realized, after it took me an hour to even find it in my apartment, that it's been two years since I put the tree up. I also found a decoration I bought at a Christmas market in Germany in 2010 that I had forgotten about.

I love German Christmas markets — the original one is in Nuremberg, the city where I did my high school exchange program. This year I discovered that Vancouver also puts on a German-style Christmas market. I went for the first time and it was wonderful! I was surprised how many Germans were actually working the stalls. That made it feel more authentic, along with all the sausage and mulled wine.

Tonight is my flight home to Calgary, and of course Vancouver has received its first massive snowfall of the year, wreaking havoc all over the city. I will probably have a long wait at the airport tonight, which will make that anticipation of being at home even more sweet.

I wish everyone at the ST and all the readers a safe and pleasurable holiday season. I hope you can enjoy some time with the people you care about. Happy New Year, too!

Next time, my topic is ... babies