The premise behind the ad that concerns us is that with AT&T Wireless, you can have the whole world come to you. And so we see all manner of people converging on this sheep pasture in the middle of nowhere; businessmen, however in robes and slippers, and look, up in the sky, a black helicopter with mysterious letters written on it. These mysterious letters, it turns out, are katakana. And what do they say? They say "Mass Media." Now that is a stupid thing to put on a helicopter, and it is made doubly stupid by that fact that they have not even written the word right. The helicopter clearly says "マース・メディア."

Anyhow, I suppose I cannot blame AT&T for being a little confused. Not that many years ago, it held a monopoly over the U.S. phone system. But because of antitrust legislation, sweeping deregulation and rapidly changing technology, it's become just one of dozens of competing phone companies. It is a real free-for-all in the telecommunications industry these days, and it is confusing for all involved.

Let us look at the photos. All these phone booths are near the intersection of 110th Street and Broadway, where I live. You will notice that we have four different styles of phone booths, and four different companies: AT&T, Bell Atlantic, the Public Pay Telephone Company and the mysterious New York City Public Telephone Company, which has constructed the booths but neglected to install the phones.

It is difficult to keep track of what the phone company is called. Two years ago our local phone service was provided by a company called NYNEX (which was reputed to be the worst phone company in the nation). NYNEX was bought by Bell Atlantic, so my phone company became Bell Atlantic. Bell Atlantic recently merged with another phone company, GTE, so my new phone company is, as a result of that merger, called "Verizon."

During that same period, I've had three different long-distance companies: AT&T, Sprint and MCI. These I switched on my own, to get better rates. I am now back with my first company, AT&T. But it announced a sharp increase in rates (on the same day that it announced a revenue shortfall), so I am looking to switch again.

I am one of the six or seven people in New York who don't have wireless, which means that I get about three or four wireless-related telemarketing calls a week. I also get calls from phone companies I have never heard from, urging me to switch to them. And I get calls from Verizon saying Verizon handles long distance now, would I like to switch? And I get calls from AT&T saying AT&T handles local phone service now, would I like to switch? When these telemarketers call at work, they first say, "May I speak to the person who is in charge of the telephone accounts?" No, I say, and then hang up. At home, telemarketing calls usually come around dinner time, between six and eight; we have learned to let the answering machine pick up calls at that time.

Bad phone service has been a hallmark of New York for years, like crime and dirty streets. If you needed a repair, for instance, the repair crew would take its own sweet time in getting to you. Crime is down and the streets are cleaner, but it's unclear whether the phone service is going to be better.

At the beginning of the month, when my phone company was still Bell Atlantic, I ordered the installation of two new lines. The earliest they could come was in two weeks. In the meantime,the company changed to Verizon, and 87,000 of its workers went on strike. It was, to say the least, an unfortunate start to provide the same reliable service, there were reports that striking workers were sabotaging lines throughout the city. Somehow it all seemed in keeping with the spirit of the phone company, as we New Yorkers see it.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago I got a call from Verizon, telling me that because of the strike they could not install the lines. I tried to explain that the lines were for a new office, that I was paying rent for this office, that as long as the phone lines weren't in I couldn't use my office and that I had to move out of my old office by the end of the week (this last part was a lie). The Verizon person was understanding but unmoved. "We'll call you back to schedule a reappointment."

I complained to my friend Richard about this, and he said, "What do you expect? It's the phone company." Then, he added, "At least they called you to tell you they weren't coming. I think it's amazing that they even did that."

This is how we measure progress in New York.

ST

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