U.S. Campus Life Gift registries By Masako Yamada	フレームで見る  英文をプリントする  脚注をプリントする
贈答品リスト 規則にうるさくないのがアメリカのお国ぶりですが、時と場合によっては細かい規則があることもあります。先日、雅子さんは、結婚する友人へお祝いを贈るパーティーに招かれましたが、何を贈るかに関しては、きっちりした決まりごとがありました。そのようなパーティーは初めてだった雅子さんは、準備に苦労しました。

Americans are often very flexible with rules, but some events come with strict guidelines. I was recently invited to the wedding of an old roommate of mine, and the bridesmaids — her sisters — decided to throw a bridal shower.

I knew that in many ways the bridal shower would be a very casual event, and that I wouldn't have to worry about what clothes to wear or which fork to use during the brunch. Bridal showers are often held in places like a close friend's home, a church common room, or a restaurant. Since they are usually meant to be a surprise for the bride, one cannot even expect the guest of honor to be dressed too formally, nor can one expect her to be in the mood to be picky about small rules.

However, as the shower date approached, I found myself poring through etiquette guidelines on the Web. This was the first bridal shower I'd been invited to, so I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't do anything taboo.

Most of my questions were related to gift-giving. The main goal of buying a gift for a couple about to wed is to get something that they will like. Obviously, it can be very difficult to select the right item, so the couple usually opens a gift registry at a few stores, and the guests select items from the list. This is a sure way of giving the couple a gift that they will truly like, and it gives the guests some freedom to choose something that they like as well. The couple usually makes an effort to select items from a wide range of prices so that all of their guests feel comfortable.

First, I had to find out the names of the stores with their gift registries. Apparently, it's typical for the guest to take the initiative, and to ask the mother of the bride where the couple is registered. The family does not want to appear that they are soliciting gifts. The only problem is that I didn't know the name or phone number of the bride's mother.

This question was answered when I called the bride's older sister to tell her that I'd be coming to the bridal shower. I asked whether there was going to be a theme as far as gifts were concerned. It's common for guests to be asked to bring a gift that follows a particular theme. She told me that there would be no theme and she also told me the names of the stores where they were registered.

I felt stupid and embarrassed for not asking her first. Family members are put in an awkward spot whenever they mention gifts to their cherished guests. According to my Web-based research, traditional etiquette dictates that family members not hold the bridal shower, since it looks like they are fishing for gifts. However, since the bridal shower is usually hosted by the bridesmaids, and both of the bridesmaids were relatives, this couldn't be avoided.

My friend had registries at two large chain stores, so I was able to look at the items that she wanted on the Web. I could see which of the items had already been purchased by other guests, and order my item of choice on the spot. The gift would be delivered to her parents' home. I chose to go to one of the stores in person so I could look at the gifts and bring it to the shower myself, but I found the Web purchase feature handy.

According to wedding etiquette, I put a large bow on the box, but unfortunately, the bow fell off before I got to the shower. This was another departure from tradition.

One tradition that is usually followed to the letter is: don't ask for money. It's considered delicate enough to ask guests for a gift, and even more so to ask for a particular gift from a particular store. But to ask for money?

Apparently, some couples are getting very close to asking for money by asking people to contribute toward a down payment for a house, or to ask them to help finance their honeymoon. There are even gift registries that handle this sort of transaction. It doesn't seem like a bad idea in principle — there are many countries where cash gifts are considered proper — but I've never heard of anybody actually having such a registry. It's considered to be in very bad taste, and I doubt this sentiment will change.

Shukan ST: April 6, 2001

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